The sting of the little things
Yesterday was my birthday. I’m 25 now! I suppose it’s the last significant birthday other than the 10’s (30, 40, 50, etc). Because Daddy just bought me a new car, I didn’t feel that he should do or give me anything else.
But, of course, he did! He spoils me so bad sometimes 
I went to school as usual. I brought cupcakes for the girls that share my major (there’s only 8 of us plus our advisor/teacher). It was a nice semi-relaxing day. My parents offered to watch Princess that evening, so Daddy and I got to have a nice quiet dinner alone. Then Daddy took me shopping and bought me some sunglasses and a few shirts. (which I STILL feel extremely guilty about)
The best part was the sweetest little card Daddy got me. It nearly made me cry when I read it. He left it at the foot of the bed for me to find when I got home and the envelope was marked “To the Love of my Life” (awwww, I’m a sucker for the gushy stuff!). Oh and of course the fact that Daddy was actually HOME with me was perfect!! Other than now waking up early, he is liking being back on first shift.
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The only part about the day that bothered me, and I feel ashamed admitting this, is this was the first year since I met him that my Ex didn’t call, text, or email me on my birthday. He’s never forgot or let it go before. Even if we weren’t speaking at the time, he’s at least texted me or emailed a simple line.
It really shouldn’t bother me considering that I am happy with Daddy, and the Ex and I don’t even talk anymore! That was also my decision. I finally decided a while back that I would only speak to him about “our” daughter.. and that we didn’t need to speak as friends anymore. So really, this is what I wanted at the time.
The funny thing about it is it didn’t bother me yesterday. I didn’t even realize he hadn’t called until today. I was at school, taking a bathroom break from some tedious busy work, and I ended up walking down the hall behind one of several kids that reminds me so much of the Ex. Unfortunetly, this was the one of the bunch that looks JUST like him. So much so that the first time I ran into this boy, I nearly tripped over my own feet in shock because I really truly thought it WAS the Ex. Today, he stepped in front of me and slowly meandered on with his tight vintage jeans, well-worn tee, untied sneakers, and mismatched cap. He even wore a leather band around his wrist shockingly similiar to the one the Ex has had for so many years… It was when he stepped in front of me that my heart skipped a beat or two and I suddenly realized Ex had missed my special day. A ball of thick cotton formed in my throat and that hot whelling of tears brewed behind my eyes. I had to nearly run the rest of the way to the bathroom to keep from wailing out in a fit of tears right there in the Caf.
I know he was my first true love, the father of my daughter, my VERY best friend for many years, and my first husband. I had truly believed we would be together forever. I’m not dwelling on the past and I wouldn’t change a SINGLE thing about life the way it is now. I guess it just still holds a bit of a sting when I realize the little things that will never be the same again.
The only remorse I have over my short marriage and unexpected divorce is the death of the Dream.
