So sadly disappointed.. and a little bit mad
I have been a fan of SugarKitty Corsets and her handbags and pretty much everything she has created for quite a long time. When I was first able to make a purchase from her, I was incredibly thrilled. Her talent and quality are simply outstanding! HOWEVER, I am so infuriated with her right now that I will NEVER EVER EVER buy ANY single thing from her again… nor will I ever send anyone else her way for anything.
I have already purchased one corset and one handbag from her. In FEBRUARY I paid the most money I have EVER paid for a corset and with her help designed what I hope will be the most gorgeous corset in my humble collection… Notice I said that was in February. 6 months ago…
The time quote was 8-10 weeks.. and then about a month and a half ago many people were informed she was 5 weeks behind. So that would be a max of 15 weeks from order to completion. That is less than 4 months… I have been waiting for SIX.
One month ago, I emailed her to ask if she had even started mine yet. I told her that if she hadn’t I would accept a partial refund (minus paypal fees) instead of the corset since it had been so long I scarcely remember what I picked out anymore!! She said she was “nearly finished” with it. Again, note that that was now one month ago.
On the Order Status page which was last updated yesterday, my corset is still 3 production “phases” away from being complete. AND there have been several people who ordered after me (that were NOT rush orders) that already have their corsets.
If that wasn’t enough to chap my ass, she posted not one but TWO freakin’ corsets she made for a photo shoot on LiveJournal. If she is so freakin’ behind, why is she fucking around with sample pieces??? Shouldn’t she be working on the corsets she has ALREADY been paid for?!?!
AND – she was also seen on LJ bitching about not having money because she hasn’t had any new orders in nearly a month…. Umm… DUH!!! If you make people wait twice as long as they were quoted and then do promotional work instead of the work you have already been PAID to do, people aren’t going to be lining up to work with you!! Get a clue…
Like I said, I have bought from her before and been more than satisfied. Because of this, I have sent at least 3 customers that I know of her way. I suggested her and now I feel like an ass for doing so.
Why is it that the most talented ladies have to be the ones to fuck up so bad?? Creations L’escarpolette made the most exquisite works of art I have EVER seen!! Unfortunetly, she got behind herself and started ripping people off horribly and does not (to my knowledge) sell anymore because she soiled her own name. Now this with SugarKitty. Thank goodness my other go-to gal is a very small “business” and I really don’t see this nonsense happening with her. (I hope)
Shannon… if you read this somehow someway, I realize that you have had a really rough couple of months and I really do have sympathy for all you have been through. HOWEVER, do you think that if I just decided to start slacking off at my job because of personal issues that that would be ok? Hell no it wouldn’t !! You were paid to do work.. that is your JOB.. your BUSINESS. And business and personal matters must always be kept seperate. This is HIGHLY unprofessional and I am so entirely disappointed in this whole situation…
Oh my wow…
I normally don’t pay much attention to my horoscope. They are interesting and fun at times, but I really don’t put too much stock in them.
Yesterday, I got a new phone. I’ve been contstantly playing around with the fun little things I can do with this one that I couldn’t with my old one. While looking at news snippets from a semi-local paper, I decided out of pure boredom to have a look at my horoscope for the day.
These are the exact words:
Love in your definition, means service. Today however, the lines between sacrifice and martyrdom are strong. How much is too much?
Little bit on the crazy side considering who I am, what I have been going through with Daddy, and even yesterday’s post here…
Hmmmmmmmm
Please Sir.. may I have another?
I started this blog because I don’t really have all that many people to talk to about the D/s part of my life.. I thought it would help to get my thoughts out and maybe even help someone out there by reading my/Our struggles and maybe being able to take something from that.. But it seems that all I have done is whine.
I think I know why.
I am grasping at scraps of His dominance.. I dwell on every teeny tiny show of control and try to push back the longing and frustration I feel since there is a great deal lacking right now. And I don’t know if it’s going to be getting any better.
A few times now, I have thought things were going to improve. We have had long talks followed by a small handful of days that are close to what life was like when I was happy. Sadly, those days don’t last very long at all. I find myself blaming him.. resenting him even. Picking apart even the littlest mistakes and blowing them up to be something more than they are. I am driving myself mad with these thoughts. I am physically tired of shouldering the burden of my own anger.
So, a change is in order. I absolutely refuse to give up and resign myself to a vanilla, boring, unfulfilling life. I have tried it before, and it is simply not for me.
It’s time to shut up and take action. To wipe away the tears and pull up my “big girl panties”. One thing I have learned in my short adult life is that one must take ownership of their problems and take action when it comes to finding a solution. I can no longer sit back and pout, citing it is the Dominant’s job to take charge.
I’m not exactly sure how easy it will be to take ownership of my own personal submission and force my own self to go back to being a “good sub” and hope with all my might that Daddy follows and finds his place again.
One can only hope… This little one will be hoping hard
Go ahead… just get it ALLLLL out
Nothing too major… I’m just annoyed by several things and REALLY need to vent.. but I don’t want to bother Daddy with most of it.. since most is non-sensical nothingness.
Work -
Even if you love your job.. there are days when most of us just want to get up and run full speed in the opposite direction. OR I suppose some of us may want to reinact the scene from Half Baked where the guy gets fired from the record store and delivers the famous line, “F*** you, f*** you, f*** you… you’re cool… f*** you. I’m OUT!”
I fall into the category of people that actually DO like their jobs… most days. Most days, I get to sit at my desk, look at the pretty things, ring up a few folks, and surf the ‘net all day. (I work for a HUGE antique store) But I do have the occasional day where it is just bullshit upon bullshit.
These are the sucky parts:
“Cheyanne” (or so I’ll call her here) is friends with my boss, who also happens to be Daddy’s sister. She is married to one of Daddy’s childhood friends. They are MESSED up to say the least. I went with him over to their house ONE time and that will be the last time I ever do. They were using right in front of the children (btw, they are in their early 20’s and she have 4 kids), drugs out on the table in plain sight, smoking cigarettes with the kids and NEWBORN in the room, and the dad actually GAVE the oldest boy (age 4) a Playboy and encouraged him to look at it…. sick.
Suffice to say, they are NOT my kind of people.. not at all. So anyway, they got their kids taken away from them last year, and got them back a few months ago. She randomly has to go to appointments and such, and one fell on last monday when she was supposed to work. She called me up and asked me to work for her… No problem. I agreed to do so. However, the weekend right before that, I found out I had a 2 hour + test for my Psych class that had to be taken Monday or Tuesday. I was scheduled to work Tues and had said I would work for her Monday… so I was in trouble!! I tried to call my boss who never answers or is around.. and that obviously didn’t pan out. So I called another guy we work with and he agreed to take my Tues so I could take my test. I didn’t even bother calling Cheyanne since I knew she had the kids to worry about….
A few days later, we were all hanging out with the guy that took that day for me, and I brought it up to thank him again. He told me that Cheyanne had tried with all her might to get him to cancel on me and MAKE me work that day. Uh WHAT?!?!? The reason I was stuck in that predictament was so I could work her day and help HER out!! Then she’s trying to screw me over??
Not only that, but this would only be the 2nd time I ever had to have anyone work for me. The other time was also school related. And this bitch calls in how many times a week, shows up late all the time, can’t freakin’ count and messes the drawer up every damn day, leaves a mess and food ALL over the desk and office…. and, and, and… She just SUCKS!! It’s not my fault that she can’t take care of her poor children and has to deal with CPS. And I’m sorry that I am going to COLLEGE to better myself and have to take tests!! Since all she knows how to do is pop out welfare babies and spell like a 3rd grader, she has to take it out on me?!?!? Oh HELLLLL naw! I have worked for her at least 1/2 a dozen times and I can guarantee you I won’t be doing her even the teensiest of favors from here on out.
On top of that, the construction that is being done AROUND my g-damn desk is killing my head. I have issues with headaches and usually only go about 2-3 days each week pain free. The pounding and dust and noise from the construction is KILLING me.
Lastly, my job is to be at my desk to answer the phone, work the computer, and do the secretary-like tasks. NOT to move several-hundred pound peices of furniture and building materials on frieght elevators!! But my handmen keep leaving in the middle of the day and not telling me! After I’ve just rang up a couple hundred dollar sale, I can’t very well tell my customer, “Sorry, my guys left without telling me. Looks like you can’t have your items today!”. So I find my short, weak, girly self lugging ginormous items and hurting myself quite often!
Housewives OR Militia?
One thing that constantly bothers me (that probably shouldn’t) is the mass amounts of housewifes that drive their ONE or TWO children around in hugemongous SUV’s. The soccer mom’s with the Hummers are the worst! They drive like they own the road (or maybe don’t know how ginormous the beast of a vehicle is).
Not only is it TERRIBLE for the environment, but they are depleting what gas is left… driving the price up. They are teaching their children to be wastefull. Plus, it’s just freakin’ annoying!
Seriously now.. if you are not heading off to war or hauling enough firewood to heat a mansion, there is no need to troll around town in such a monstrosity!
I guess I am just getting really frustrated with our throw-away society. Not that I am perfect.. I just recently broke my addiction to beauty product chemicals and paper plates… but I do try. I don’t think you need to go completely overboard and obsess over “going green”, but I do think that it is our responsibility to the future human races to do the little things we can and at least TRY.
Ok.. enough ranting now. Well, maybe not yet.
I hate Daddy being gone every evening! My friend J described our situation like being in a long distance D/s dynamic. I never really thought of it that way, but that pretty much sums it up! At first, I kept saying I felt like a single woman and single mom again.. but that’s not really it. I am still loved and attached, but I am truly mourning the loss of His presence in my everyday.
I am not a perfect sub… hell, I may not even be a GOOD sub every day. I have my times when I crave rules and need structure.. but if Daddy simply lays it out but isn’t here to enforce his words, they feel empty and meaningless. I know it is my responsibility to listen and behave whether or not he is here to watch my every move or not, but it is sooooo easy to do what I want and not what I was told when I know I can get away with it.. 
That may sound terrible to the “perfect” subs out there.. but that’s me. Imperfect, slightly messy, somewhat bratty subbie girl.
The Sum of Insanity -and- Friendship
“Basically I’m complicated. I have a hard time taking the easy way”
That line basically sums it all up for me. You may look at me on the street and get an impression. You may meet me at work and think you know who I am. You may even be my friend or family member and be sure that you are intune with who I am.. but I don’t think that is ever true. I don’t think anyone knows ANYONE else truly.
Inside my head is the only place one could truly know me. Even Daddy hasn’t been there. My mind is my prison, my hell on earth, and at the same time my sanctuary.
I have always been majorly introverted. Not that I don’t like good conversation and company.. but I find that I always feel somewhat alone, even in the most crowded room. Usually, I feel more alone in crowds than I would with one person in a familiar place.. but that is for another day.
For most of my life, I saw this as a negative. I thought there was something wrong with me. Now I realize it takes all kinds to form society, and there is really nothing wrong with liking my solitude… as long as I don’t let it get out of hand.
“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.”
One thing about being an introvert with rampant social anxiety disorders is that friendships are very difficult to form and then maintain. As I am celebrating the birth of a new friendship, I am preparing to mourn the death of the oldest.
I can’t remember the book or exact quote right now, but I read once a line about going insane. That it happens slowly, yet all at once.
I am losing my best friend. We were there for each other when no one else would dare. I took him in when his parents kicked him out and his church shunned him. I fled to his house for the hug I needed so desperately the day I misscarried. He was the first person I told of my engagement and pregnancy… I was the first person he came to when he realized his personal truths.
And now I think it is over. Not by my choice, but by his. We slowly began speaking less and less. Then, we only communicated via text messages. Now, he has had his fill.
On a lighter note, I have made a new friend. Something I had once felt was an impossible task for me in this town. Elated doesn’t even cover how I feel about this! Beyond our similiarities in lifestyle choice (which originally brought us together), everytime I get to see her and have a chat I find a dozen more things we have in common. Even as new as this friendship is, she has challenged my ideas of what a loyal friend entails. I am accustomed to selfish individuals who will only be there for you when they feel like it, and always seem to have something more pressing to discuss when all I need to do is vent. Not this one! Much to my surprise, she has been there for me when I needed her most.. Something that was a bit shocking for me considering the very short amount of time that we have known each other.
I am blessed that she entered my life, and I’ll be damned if I let this too slip!
J, I know you will likely read this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I have told you that before, but you have no idea how strongly and deeply I mean that.
Revelations
My Princess was sick yesterday. She’s still feeling the effects and is sleeping as I type this. I lost count of how many times she threw up.. Thankfully, my mom is a nurse and found some time to stop by with some Pedialyte pops and checked her out. We were lucky that she never became dehydrated so never had to go to the ER or urgent care.
Today, she is dizzy and tired… just weak from going so long without eating. She’s got down most of a piece of toast and some juice, but I know it’s going to take alot of rest and relaxation to get her back to her normal bubbly self!
In the middle of reassembling the couch (I had to wash all the throw pillows and cushion covers), Daddy and I ended up getting into a short conversation about him being gone all the time and me feeling like a single mother again. He stopped what he was doing and said to me, “This isn’t really working out for the best, is it?”. By “this” he meant his shift change. We are used to being together nearly all the time, and now I really only have quality time with him on the weekends. And with his myriad of neices, nephews, and sisters.. there seems to be something going on EVERY weekend that threatens to steal that time from us as well.
Of course.. the money is great. He is now making more than 1 1/2 times what he was before. But is the money worth the toll that has been taken on our relationship? Maybe not.. However, it is too late now. We have a bigger place to live, a new puppy, and higher utility bills. AND we have a wedding coming up. The money is definetly needed. We knew it would be hard, we just didn’t realize how hard.
On the other hand, the fact that he realizes what is happening to us makes me feel not so alone. I think he is finally realizing things aren’t just going to “fall into place” and it is now time to put some work in. I told him that I feel Our dynamic is basically gone completely. He said he is very NOT ok with that.
What a relief!
Part of me says I would follow Him to the ends of the earth no matter what.. Part of me thinks that I cannot ever truly be happy without being His girl. Even if he were to tell me that he wanted to be completely vanilla, I would stick around and try my damndest.. I do love the Man very deeply. He has been there for me when no one else would.
So as much as it pains me that we have fallen in this rut, it is a great comfort to know that I am not the only one in this house that is mourning the death of what we used to be.
So tonight we will talk… and really talk this time. The last time we made plans to discuss this, I was put off by his lack of effort and basically shut down and went into a bit of a depression. This time, I am prepared to take the reighns if I must.
In a perfect world, Daddy would anticipate my needs and desires. He would nip problems in the bud, or at least take charge and fix everything when the dull times take over. But, Daddy is not perfect.. He is very much human and makes mistakes just like I do. So, if I need to be the one that puts forth the effort and takes the first step, I am prepared to do so.
Wish me luck!
Not THAT kind of masochist!
I will admit I have slight masochistic tendencies. Most times, I do try to avoid intense physical pain.. though I do enjoy light pain and some other sensation play. However, physical pain and mental pain are on opposite ends of my spectrum.
My ex hurts me.. He doesn’t hurt me good like Daddy will on occasion.. he hurts my heart. Deeply.
All I want from him at this point is to be IN my Princess’s life or OUT. Parenting is not a revolving door and a child is not like a video game that you can entertain yourself with when you feel like it and let it sit to collect dust on the shelf when you have “better things to do”.
So get in or get out! That is all I ask. That and to spare me as much as possible in the process. I don’t want to know where he is living (at this point.. while he is not in Princess’s life). I don’t give a damn what he thinks of his job or jobs. I don’t care what he does for fun, how much he is drinking, or who he dates.. I may care about some of those if he was a part of Princess’s life and his actions effected her. But he is NOT. It’s coming up on a year since he’s seen her! So really, if it doesn’t directly effect her
I DON’T GIVE A DAMN!
I don’t need the pain and I don’t want to hear the lies and empty promises. So yes.. I am being cold toward him.
It is my means of emotional survival.
In love fades..
I may be a bit of a hopeless romantic, but I truly believe TRUE love never fully leaves your heart. BUT I do believe that “in love” fades.. and it fades first and fastest.
I am 24.. I am divorced.. yep, sad but true. I actually was divorced at 22. That’s what happens when you marry purely for love at the ripe ol’ age of 19! Our “in love” never faded. It simply exploded. Do I still have love for him? Of course, he was my first great love and he gave me my #1 great love of my life.. my Princess.
Fast-forward to the present. I am with my Daddy.. engaged to him, and supposedly living as his 24/7 submissive. However, our D/s dynamic has faded very badly and I don’t feel like HIS little girl anymore. I still am a girl in my heart and mind. When I am forced to “step it up” and make decisions and don’t have anyone leading me along, I do it. I put on my strong woman mask and I go through the motions. Not that I am happy to do this, but I am mother before anything else and as a mother I have no choice but to keep myself and our lives in tact, no matter what is going on inside.
When our dynamic fades, the “in love” factor seems to follow. I love Daddy.. of course I do. He is my best friend, he is my Rock. Do I feel “in love” with him right now… not as much as a bride-to-be should. In fact, I’m supposed to be wedding dress shopping soon and am probably going to cancel those plans. Planning for a celebration of love and lifetime commitment doesn’t really seem that appealing when present life is boring and dull and lacking the very thing I love most about Us…
Part of me feels terrible for this, part of me does not. REAL love isn’t perfect. Real love means holding someone’s hair back as they vomit, taking them to the ER in the middle of the night, putting up with their flaws and obnoxious habits… and having love for them anyway.. wanting to be right there beside them even on the days when you feel the urge to slap them! So while our love is currently not very exciting or passionate, it still takes up a very big portion of my heart.
